It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
