Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
