Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
