He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
