there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
