the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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