I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
