You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
