end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
