i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
