Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
