'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it glows. i had to have it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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