so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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