I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I color on your dick again?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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