he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
