He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
