I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
