You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
