he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
