Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
