i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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