I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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