I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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