So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
