i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
