careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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