I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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