got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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