forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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