Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
