He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
