How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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