considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
