i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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