New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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