In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
