she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
