I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
