my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
