Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
