I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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