shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize