Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
