He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize