I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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