We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
