brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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