hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
