Will you blow on my dice?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
