was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
