Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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