dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want to have your abortion
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize