So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
