Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Everything about him screamed your future.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
