So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
