Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Randomize
