I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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