U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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