let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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