Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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