you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
