Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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