I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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