i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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