and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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