Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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