It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
