I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
