I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize