I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
