Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
