I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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