I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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