im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize