i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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