So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
