Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
