Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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