some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
