I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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