garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
